Resist & Emit

Carrie Adams

Interview by L. Valena

To start from the top, just tell me what you responded to.

Sure, I received a video called More Follows. I received it in the middle of my Christmas break. It was a really relaxing time for me. And for me, the video was about this sort of pulse or accordion movement. Growth comes from a pulse between light and dark or restraint and freedom.

I like to use textiles in my creative process. And my wife and I happened to have candles lit while we were watching the video. It made me understand that candle magic or candlelight has always been important in my spiritual practice. But I’d never done any sort of resist dye, like batik or any kind of restraint in my dyeing. So that's where the film pushed me. 

You said that you use candle magic in your spiritual practice but not in the textile work itself…

No. In high school, so like 20 years ago, I did a piece that had dripped candle wax on it, but I've never used it in my current creative process. I never really explored it further than that one piece that I did.

What happened next?

Well, I didn't know anything about batik or traditional methods of resist dyeing, so it was a lot of research. I didn't really execute in a traditional way. I wanted to use a candle, instead of the actual wax that you would use for this kind of process, which is why there's oil or residue left behind on some of the pieces of fabric. Then I also tried more traditional restraint dyeing with the strings, like the way people would tie-dye. But I did it all with plant matter dye baths. I used a bunch of red and yellow onion skins for one of them, and I used hibiscus, and we had a lot of nutshells leftover from our holiday, so I used those. It was really fun! It was a nice, warm project to do because when you're heating them on your stove it makes the whole house pretty hot and toasty.

Were you using particular colors of candles that were related to spellwork? Was this totally separate from that or did it feel connected to that? 

It was connected because I was using the candle. I definitely use color-specific candles. That's definitely a thought process I have when I'm choosing which candles I use in the moment. I had white or beeswax candles at the time, which I think is significant to where my mindset was when I was creating these pieces of fabric. To me, it was about light and dark, purity and growth, and movement between those things.

Very cool. And you then quilted them together? 

Yeah. I didn't really know what I was going to do with the fabric. I didn't set out with the intention to quilt and I'm by no means an expert quilter, but I've always liked restraint in my work. I like writing processes that have extreme restraints. I like to quilt and sew with patterns. Quilting specifically is a really nice way to work through ancestral work for me because I come from a family of quilters and a long history of white people that quilt. [laughs] I think that's really important to me. My mom taught me how to sew and my grandmother taught me how to knit. But I like that I could use a traditional quilt block and I could use traditional dyeing processes and make something that didn't feel super traditional. I also really like that quilting is about this balance of patience and perfection. If you're careful, you can re-do any line of stitching as many times as you have the patience until you get the corners to be the way that you want them to be. Ultimately, you're the one that decides when you stop, not the quilt block, you know? And I thought that that reflected the sentiment that I got from the video.

I think for a lot of people when they think about the process of knitting or sewing a garment, the idea that you have to undo a lot and then redo is a barrier for them. They’re like, “Oh I wouldn't have the patience for that,” or “That’s so time-consuming, or I can't believe you will undo a whole sweater if it's not right and then reuse the yarn.” Well, that's the way it works, you know? Quilting happened because we had fabrics that we had to reuse, and we had to cut them into smaller pieces. And I just think that's amazing and really beautiful.

Yeah, I agree. I think it's so interesting how, in drawing, there's a pretty clear understanding that an eraser is an important part of the drawing process. You erase lines just as much as you draw lines and it's all in service of finding the right line. Yet there’s this block for people with textile. They’re like, But a seam ripper can't possibly do the same thing, right?

I probably rip, in knitting and also in sewing, probably like half of the things that I sew, which is a lot. Because you sew a lot of lines, you know?

One thing that you said that I thought was really interesting was about picking up this idea of growth between light and darkness. Can you speak a little bit more about that? 

Sure. I think that our shadow selves are incredibly important to who we are, especially as someone who identifies as a female and is female-perceiving, which is not something that's honored in our culture. I am very watery and also really fiery, and it hasn't been until my adult life that I've understood that it's okay to be fiery, even as a female. It's important visually because it feels good to have a balance of light and dark, but also emotionally and spiritually too. It's important to me to explore those things, both in my creative process and also in my life.

You also mentioned this idea of ancestral work. Is there a tie-in between those ideas, the darkness and lightness, and the ancestral work?

Yeah, I think it's something that I've been thinking a lot about as I better understand where I personally stand and where my familial history stands in terms of racism. I think it's sad that Christianity has stripped white people of their spiritual traditions. Also, part of that is crafting, because capitalism does not encourage people to create their own things that are useful. So it's important to me to think about that and to make things out of textiles that are purposeful and useful and to carry on those traditions that the ladies in my family previously did. It in no way compares to folks who are not white, as far as the things that they've lost, but I think that it is something that we should talk about more. 

Absolutely. We’ve lost a piece of our humanity. It's like we sell our souls in order to push other people down. 

It's really crazy. It's taken me a really long time to understand that my creative process is not about making something new. I like to use sewing patterns and I like to use quilt patterns, and I'm not going to be a person who makes my own designs, and that's okay. It's a way for me to be connected to my ancestors and to feel like I have a purpose. It's so creative and it's hard to do and I find satisfaction in that and those things are okay. I don't have to be a person that's recreating these things. It can be other kinds of spiritual work for me.

My mom, for example, taught me how to sew. She made my clothes when I was little. Now, when I'm like, “I bought this dress that was $200 because this person made it and I want to support them,” she's like, “You spent that much money??” I’m like, “Well how much would you charge if you made this thing by hand? It's not unreasonable!” Those things are not unreasonable.

I think that connecting that with spirituality is interesting too. Do you have more that you want to talk about in that regard?

I’ve been thinking that certain processes that I find rejuvenating or that I use as renewal, even if I don't see them as directly related to my spirituality, probably are. And I should probably make more space for that connection to grow. 

I do this thought experiment sometimes when I'm walking around: what would the world look like if everyone made their own clothes?

I’ve never thought about that, that’s really funny. It would be a much more fun world. I think people would be significantly less interested in what they’re wearing.

What haven’t I asked you about that you want to talk about?

I've been thinking: what is this block going to become? The piece that it’s inspired by indicates that more follows. It’s a completed quilt block in the traditional sense because this is a traditional Amish quilt block. But what's going to happen to it? It certainly is gonna have a new life or a continued life and I don't really know what that is yet. That's sort of a fun spot to be in.

That's exciting. More follows. 

Yeah, more follows! 

Do you have any advice for someone else participating in this project?

Before doing the project, I imagined that I would be deeply referring to my inspiration piece. But I gave myself the freedom to not do that. If I'm being honest, I watched it one time. I took notes while I watched it and that was a much more fruitful process than trying to more closely follow what I thought that the piece was instigating in myself. It's okay to capture your impression, and yourself in that moment. That's great.

Call Number: C41FI | C43VA.adaRe

An avid crafter, Carrie lives on the North Shore of Massachusetts with her wife and feline familiar. You are likely to catch her reading on the beach, rearranging the furniture, or drinking anything bubbly.