Valley Vampires

Alia Hamada Forrest

Castles n’ Coasters: where we tried to meet boys,

smelled like gasoline and Jack in the Box tacos.

The rides were hot. We wore pants in the heat. 

One of us: pale, one of us: hairy. Cigarettes 

lit up the parking lot boys’ mouths, they turned into fireflies, 

red-orange stars flicker in the dark -- low-lit cars blast 

muddled deftones, seats bent back like cracking fingers.

Always edging on danger, possibility, we don’t talk

to anybody, we peek behind plastic playsets, hitting 

golf balls into a lake on purpose -- I remember laughing 

with you, gloating how we loved boys with bulging veins 

on their forearms. There were no teams to cheer on,

then, in the suburban sprawl -- took 45 minutes to drive

anywhere cool, and all walkers were homeless 

or had nowhere to go -- 

Oh desert, land of mall rats

and bikes on fire, and plague.

Fly me away.

Fly me into the sun.

Fly me into the arms of a veiny man.

Here I am, on a roller coaster.

Light up my blossom gun.

Fade me out, into a dark car,

We suck the night out, eyes,

blood, all of it.

Everyone: back to your caves.

Interview by L. Valena

Can you tell me what you responded to?

I responded to a piece of art called Desert Nostalgia, and it was a bunch of small images on the page.

What was your first reaction to that?

Well my first reaction was to the title. I'm actually originally from Phoenix, Arizona. I have my own images of nostalgia, and I looked at it through the lens of me as a teenager. When I think of my own desert nostalgia, I think of myself as a teen in Phoenix. When I saw it, I saw a lot of bicycle handles, and fire. I thought that one of the images looked like a saguaro cactus sideways, with fire-like imagery coming out of it. Maybe I saw cigarettes? I might have seen some cigarettes? And some tacos, perhaps. I was trying to see where the images would take me.

And where did they take you?

It brought me back to being a teen trying to find something to do. I think bikes remind me of that- it can be a suburban hobby for a teen or adolescent, biking around the neighborhood. I started writing. Just looking at the images, I thought about this amusement park that was very local to me. It was a shabby chic rollercoaster/minigolf park. I would go there with my friends to look for boys- not that it ever happened. Nothing ever happened.

But it seemed possible, right?

Yeah. So when I started, that was my scene. I wanted to write about looking for boys at Castles & Coasters. I've been watching a lot of horror at the moment, and I think it just kind of seeped into my writing as I was working. I'm always writing at night.

What kind of horror have you been watching, and how has it seeped in?

I've been watching Lovecraft Country, Midsommar, Hereditary- that movie was so scary. I will never watch it again, but I think about it all the time. Midsommar I would watch again because it was so interesting. I think I've been attracted to horror now specifically because it kind of takes me out of this pandemic world. In these movies, things happen that don't really seem like they would happen. It’s a little bit of fantasy, but I get to process the same emotions in a way that isn't in this reality of trying to work at home and teach my first grader some stuff, with a baby. So horror is my go-to. This is the first poem I've written in a long time, and it makes sense to me that horror kind of snuck in a tiny bit. It's just part of my making sense of the world. I don't know, I think I've definitely regressed since this pandemic started- it's like being a teenager. The first phrase I think of is "ugh, everything sucks," and I'm like, “who's talking right now?” This is the first time I've been able to write anything, so the prompt was helpful. To see what came out of me. This whole interview is a way for me to process that too. I feel like I was writing about... there was no ‘about’. I was writing, based on this work, and that's what came out. Horror, and teenage years in the desert.

I love this idea that we're all regressing during this pandemic. Because you're right, so many of the conversations I have with people right now are: this sucks, and there's nothing that anyone can say to make it better. And so much of the time, the only advice we can give each other is the same thing we would say to a teenager: hang in there, it's going to get better. And we don't know that, but it's the best we've got. And somehow we did make it through the teenage years, so we know that we did hang in there, and it did get better, and we can only hope that the same is true now.

Yeah! And I think even in this particular poem, maybe the scene that was set- looking for boys, talking with friends about them, and being out in the dark, is the one moment of freedom that the speaker has. Because vampires are only around at night. I'm just thinking- why did I write about this? And thinking about my own life and what was coming out at the time. And I think we're all looking for that. What is it for me? I guess it was that moment. There are lots of parts of me, and what I do for work, and what I do as a parent, and to find one moment of quiet to focus on something meaningful. And just express myself in some way.

Do you have a long relationship with the idea of vampires?

During maternity leave for my first child, I watched all of True Blood. That was amazing, but it was a long time ago. Ever since then there hasn't been a lot of vampireness in the horror that I've watched. I think how that came out as I was describing what was happening in the poem; where they were, the time of day, the scene, and talking about veins... I just was like, "wow, am I talking about vampires?!" I think it did come out of left field a little bit, but I was describing something and it kind of sounded like a vampire. And I was into that- it felt exciting.

Vampires are fascinating. Especially this moment where we're all stuck in our houses. Vampires have to be invited inside. There's something about them that could be really interesting right now.

I think we all feel like a vampire in some way right now. Having to stay indoors. I think vampires feel trapped, but when they're free they're free. Like when we have the opportunity to go out to eat outdoors sometimes- "Oh my GOD!" But there's fear in the air.

I think that for people in my own situation as a poet, or people who do any kind of art, having a prompt is so needed right now. I think that a lot of creative people are trying to figure out how to express themselves, but need a push or guidance in how to do that. There's such a disconnect with how we talk to people at all. There's no certainty in anything, and I think that a lot of people I know are having writer’s block- they're struggling in every other aspect of their life. I think this project is really important right now.

Call Number: C39VA | C40PP.haVa

Alia Hamada Forrest is a poet, though she often forgets this superpower as she is also a mother of two young children and the executive director of a nonprofit. She is originally from Phoenix, AZ, but has lived in Boston, MA for half her life. Although Alia loves working with people, her favorite hobby is being alone.