wasteland mirage

Torina Gedler

Wasteland Mirage, Music; 3:33

Interview by L. Valena
August 6th, 2024

Can you please describe the prompt that you responded to?

I was sent what appeared to be a photograph. It could have been a doctored photograph. It was titled “Fake Water,” and what struck me at first was—well, I am blind. I'm functionally blind. I have nystagmus and strabismus…My disability influences my responses to work.

When I saw this photograph, immediately I was struck by how it almost did look like there was real water pouring out of the faucet in the image. Then, upon closer examination, it looked like a giant blue tarp with some ripples in it. It looked like the faucet was in a hill. This immediately provoked a lot of thought in me.

Great. What happened next? What were your first thoughts and feelings?

My first thoughts and feelings were about the many roles which the term “water” plays in our lives. I thought about astrology, how you can be a water sign…Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces are the water signs in astrology. I am a big astrology nerd. I study it.

The other thing that came to mind was how water is such a coveted resource in this world and we can't exist without it. It's part of our makeup and who we are. Everything that is biotic needs water to thrive.

I'm also a water sign, and I really resonate with the element of water as well. Ever since I was young, I've just been drawn to bodies of water. That all … established an immediate connection when I saw this. But it was also shocking when I realized that I wasn't actually looking at water! It's like you want the connection to be there but it's not. So that is my first impression in a nutshell.

That's so interesting, that first emotional response about water. But then, wait a second, it's not water!

I'm sure somebody who didn't have a visual impairment would see it and have a different response, but I really did think it was water at first. I've learned to have a detachment from the input that my eyes take in, because I know that some of the things that I'm seeing are not what I'm actually seeing. I like visual art because it’s a safe place for me to explore that connection to what I see. But this image really played with that. I use the word “manipulate” in my song, like “the image is betraying me!” …

We have a philosophy here at Bait/Switch that the prompt chooses the artist. We do as little curation as possible. So it's incredible to me that, of all the things that we could have given you, you get a piece that’s a little bit of an optical illusion.

…I’m a big fan of prompts, though. They really help me let go. It's. I almost have to give myself prompts in my own creative practice, but it never feels quite the same when I'm giving myself a prompt. I was really grateful for the opportunity to respond to this one for sure.

Awesome. Tell me about your process. How did you start?

I wrote down some words right after receiving the prompt. I was at my apartment then, but when I wrote and recorded the song I was at a homestay, a pet-sitting gig. I practiced with a few different chords. The chords that I used first were different, but the melody stayed the same. I tried doing more of a traditional chord progression. I try to stay away from traditional chord progressions in most of my other work… But there is something that's drawing me to them now. I thought a traditional chord progression would work great for this song… I found most of the chords out on my baritone ukulele at first, but my most comfortable instrument is the piano, so that is what I ended up recording the song on. I used my Audigo microphone—it's just this tiny little box. I got it last week, and this submission was my test run for it. I think this turned out really well, so I'm excited to be able to use it with my future works.

All this was done on my phone as well. That Audigo app is really powerful. It lets you put different effects on your tracks, and you can do multitrack recordings. There are two tracks for the piano because I recorded it all with one hand. I had a brain injury when I was 14, so…my left hand is like professional grade and then my right hand is kindergarten level. I'm trained in piano, so I know what left- and right-hand pieces sound like and how to make my compositions sound [more robust]. The advantage of this was that it's a recording, so I could do things in multiple tracks that I couldn't achieve with just one hand.

Then there are eight different vocal tracks… I usually use a digital audio workstation called LUNA with Universal Audio software. But since I was away, I tried this new Audigo interface on my phone, and it worked out great.

I think it's so cool that you are able to use all these different tracks to create this layered, beautiful song.

Thank you so much. I could see myself returning to and tweaking it for my own portfolio.

What does the song mean to you? What is it saying?

It's heavily informed by heartbreak. Right before this submission, I went through a traumatic experience. I do think the word “trauma” is overused these days, but looking at it now, and judging from the reactions of everybody I told about it, it's a traumatic experience. This song and this prompt helped me process it in a [unique] way. There's something about receiving inspiration from the universe, rather than trying to give it to yourself, that is just so healing.

I will say it’s mostly about another person, another water sign. Somebody who turned out not to be who I thought they were. It is amazing that you have the philosophy of letting the prompt choose the person because I really couldn't have asked for a better prompt.

If there's one criticism I have about what I’ve written, I like to put a positive spin on the things that I write. I know I'm a very emotional person and writer. It can get so heavy. But then again, some music needs to be sad. Some people don't want to hear music with a positive statement at the end. They need to process their sadness when they're listening.

And you need to process yours, right? We all need to sit and feel the feelings or they don't go away. So, good job sticking with it and being honest with yourself about how you're feeling. That’s hard.

Thank you so much.

What else are you working on creatively?

This winter, I want to create an album of songs. I currently have enough songs for two albums, and I have two songs that are out on streaming platforms. I'm doing the waterfall release effect. I just trickle them out, one by one, until I get to an album. That's how people have to release music these days to get noticed. I should stray away from saying I don't care about being noticed, because that's a lie, right? All of us artists want to be seen and appreciated for our work, but there is a big part of me that is just a Creator with a capital C. I do art for art’s sake. I've been a musician and a Creator all my life, but I didn't start releasing music until October 2023. It's now very clear to me that the universe is like, “Hey, this is good for you. Keep doing this!” I'm really, really blessed…

How does this piece fit into the context of your other work?

I really feel passionate about musicians with Disabilities having more visibility, and there being more understanding about Disability culture and what it is. I became Disabled at 14, and I became familiar with the shame of feeling broken… When most people hear the word “disability,” they think of pain…or tragedy. It's also used as an insult sometimes in our ableist language. I'm still working to overcome a lot of internalized ableism. But Disability means so much more…. I know that people with Disabilities have such an important message to bring to the world about love, positivity, and finding joy… Basically, that's how this piece fits into the context of my work. The very first stanza is about my experience, engaging with the work…Helping people experience the Disabled perspective is important. Disabled voices need to be heard.

Amazing. Thank you for that, and thank you for all the work that you're doing. It’s just so important.

Thank you so much.

Do you have any advice for another artist approaching this process for the first time?

Sometimes, even when I think a collaboration sounds fun and exciting, my nervous system goes into overdrive to protect me from a nonexistent threat, and for me that threat is a failure that has not happened… If you need it, this is your permission to confront the perfectionist voices in your brain that are critiquing your process and telling you that you don't have enough time. Try to confront them with grace. Thank them, be grateful for them, and then release them. Let them be on their way. Once you can let go of those negative thoughts, your creativity will just flow out and it will be awesome. Allow yourself to experience joy and have fun.

Call Number: V95VA | V96MU.geWa

Torina ("Tori") Gedler is a Queer and Disabled songwriter, producer, and recording artist from Des Moines, Iowa. A lifelong classically-trained musician starting at age 5, Gedler started writing songs after becoming Disabled by an acquired brain injury at age 14 and has since then led a life of musicianship, education, and advocacy. Now making music under the name Dea ex Machina, Gedler plans to release at least two EPs in 2025.